Pain, how the hell did I get here? Pt. 1

Pain-How the Hell did I get here

This is Part 1 of a 3 part article about Pain

We all have pain, some debilitating and some just a pain in the ass.  We want to get out of pain, isn’t that the way we are supposed to operate? Who wants to be in pain, no one? We have a job to do, places to be, things that have to get done, right? Top me off you say to the drink, pop me one you say to the pill, push me further you say to the exercise, hold me closer you say to the peep, and shut up you say to the sounds of the world. Cross me off the list, get me out of the chains and check me out! What now? Have you found a way to get out of pain? Is it your second cousin or your bed fellow?

Perhaps you have been through a similar path as I have outlined below.  This is a very basic conversation with your doctors and I can tell you from experience, mine has been a hundred shades worse than this and it went in many different directions.  The purpose of sharing here is to let you know; you are not alone, all paths do not lead to an answer, the fix is not out there, the path is not straight, you cannot make a free will choice when you hurt, when you see it in the rear view mirror keep running, if it smells like a duck and looks like a duck then it is a duck, and I could go on forever.

What I will share; my pain has been in every realm possible, from the physical to the spiritual to the emotional and the everyday existence.  I have wailed for years, I have groveled to get help, I have pleaded with the best, and I have had to walk alone; alone and isolated.

I did learn what forms my help came in, I learned how to take little steps and be grateful for the moment, I learned to walk away when the demons wore perfume and to be without in a black hole that did have another space; it is the abyss that I existed in.  The abyss was a place that I existed in and let all things go, I felt every iota of energy and I found a way to flow with the world around me.

It was a hard place; I have war wounds. I am free for the next moment and what it will bring.  Do I believe I am over pain; never! Do I believe I have a way to fix it when it shows up in drag; never! Do I have a way to morph what I am seeing and feeling and hearing to evolve through the pain; yes I do!

So if you think it is too hard, yes it is and then for the next moment, it is not.  If you are stuck, ask for help, if you are ready, be creative and find different things to work with and explore more about your being than ever and yes, listen to the voices in your head and ask them what the heck is going on, they know the number to dial.

And now on to the dialogue that may seem familiar to you;

First visit to the primary care Dr.:

Dr. my head hurts.

Where does it hurt?

Here, see.

No I don’t so let’s run some tests.

Ok, that would be good (fear).

Follow up visit:

The tests did not show anything.

But doc my head hurts even more now what is it?

I don’t know so let’s run some different tests.

Ok because it really hurts.

Follow up visit:

I can’t find anything wrong with your head.

But doc it hurts here see.

What else is going on?

Nothing doc and my life is my own business.

Well I am trying to help you get rid of that pain.

My pain is in my head I told you, now fix it.

I am trying but I can’t see it and it does not show up on tests.

Why does my pain not show up on tests it is a big pain.

Ok I can see you are having pain, let’s try some other tests.

Ok doc, you know what’s best can you give me something in the meantime.

Yes I will give you something to help with the pain.

Thanks doc.

Follow up visit:

How is your pain today?

Well doc the meds worked for the first day or so then they stopped maybe I need more.

Well let’s see what the test says today, it says I have no reason why for your pain.

Well I need to get more meds or stronger so they will take the pain because there is something wrong.

Well I understand there is something wrong but I can’t find it.

Well then I need to find someone else, you don’t know what you are doing.

Stay tuned for Pt 2 Why Can’t You hear Me?